1

December 29, 2005

not that joy makes us grateful but that gratitude makes us joyful.

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6

December 25, 2005

stairwell accompaniment:Bing Crosby-White Christmas

things we look forward to:
14 days off work.
no longer living in 2 apartments.
traveling.
overwhelming amount of friends and family. same place. same time.
swing dancing.
killer brownies.
complete vulnerability.
breakfast.
warmer beds.
living steps from the Emporium.
living with best friend.
living within sight of the climbing gym.
laughing so hard Josh urinates.on.him.self.

things we do not look forward to:
moving, again.
Grad school+nursing school+homework x2.
only 14 days off work.
2.5 months until spring break.
manufacturing zillions of thank-you cards.
cold apartments for the sake of traveling money.
trivial arguments.
living steps from the Emporium.
living within sight of loudbarSloopys.
living 10,000miles from schmandapantzies.

reasons Amber likes Josh today:
he refuses to be a consumer.
he studies on holidays.
he thinks eating eggs and ketchup is ridiculous.
cereal.6 bowls.a day.
he wears bedhead.publicly.
he grocery shops to lessen my domestic aggression.
warmth.
he is persistent.
he is patient and flexible.
he refuses to fix the shower that runs scolding hot water all over your body when the toilet runs (every 2 minutes)as you scream from the depths of the scortching hell that is the shower of our new apartment simply because he doens’t have to shower here yet.

cheers!

11

December 20, 2005

stairwell accompaniment:etta james

the gratitude is overwhelming. the grace, excruciating. the love, fierce.

i am becoming undone.

16

December 15, 2005

I’m convinced that adulthood demands (should demand?) more imagination and dreaming than childhood simply because the possibilities are just as endless and, at this point in life, always possible. Last night over indian food we envisaged ourselves going far and wide and I think the inventing takes on a new type of adventure because we have the ability pull the ordinary life into the extraordinary. Do not give way to fear.

the latest of niece and sister with new camera:

things i love today:
snow
free internet
josh
bagels and butter
space heaters
christmas coming
generous friends
red bows all over the neighborhood
old journals
discovering the past
not showering
sleep

19

December 12, 2005

stairwell accompaniment:OTR-Live

There is a moment, a thousand moments perhaps, as we reach in to the unknown, the dark waters, when we’re forced to acknowledge the risks: “My God, this thing goes deeper than we could have known”; hesitation would be to kill the possibility of reaching in so far that we could grab a hold of each other and not let go until we’ve either drowned completely or emerged from the water broken and alive, having listened and risked til-death-we-do-part.

Is there anything older, deeper, or more necessary and real than to risk listening well? And as much as we listen, we will hesitate, our breath won’t hold out long enough, we’ll wonder with them all, “How in the world did we get ourselves into this??” Only what we’ll need to remember over and over is that we have died already!, and were raised to life, and there is nothing, not the deepest, coldest, darkest hole, that can separate us from that life! Is there anything more important to consistently tell each other?

I know that marriage will be difficult, and that I will be difficult, and that we will sin greatly, and that our hearts may somedays dry out for bitterness. I want to be in the habit of telling you and telling myself that He does not hold our sins against us. He does not hold our sins against us. I am free to not hold your sins against you. Ten years from now or in a couple of weeks on our wedding day, let’s drown each other in grace—use our words well and wisely. In some small way, we may sketch God’s grace for each other! And spill it as often as we will, it is endless!