February 25, 2009

I’ll take Schmanda‘s path and come back to civilization with a bulleted list.  It’s less overwhelming.  

*The winter here in Denver has come as a joyful surprise to us.  We anticipated the sunshine (that both of our hometowns so often lack in the winter months) but the temperatures are above and beyond mild most days.  Today it was over 60 degrees again and Hallie spent much of our time outside hiking.  I’m not sure I can overstate how much we needed this.  The season’s weather.  And the hike.

*This year, my first year as a labor and delivery nurse, I feel has literally been trial by fire.  I am learning by the heat of it when I like it and when I am scared out of my mind.  Equally.  In nursing, it seems, there is not wetting your feet without soaking your body.  I often find myself gritting my teeth when my heart feels it will explode.  Last week I was the first to inform a young mother who was 22weeks pregnant that her baby is no longer alive.  Because I was the first to hold my breath and break my heart when I couldn’t find her baby’s fading heartbeat.  I broke her heart with the news and held her hands in mine as we discussed the fact that she would have to deliver this no-longer-living being from her body.  When I would have given anything to prevent her from going through that pain.   …And then there are days like Saturday when I had the unexplainable honor of being the one to delivery  my patient’s baby.  Because the doctor didn’t make it.  I surprised myself when my hands didn’t shake and my voice didn’t give away the heart beating out of my chest.  I was the first to welcome this baby to the world.  …And a few months ago I admitted a patient 38 weeks pregnant whose water had broken.  When the baby’s heartbeat immediately began to show me signs of distress, I quickly checked this mom’s cervix to find that the baby’s umbilical cord was coming out before the baby’s head and with each contraction the baby’s blood supply was being cut off.  I had to continually lift this baby’s head up and off the cord while the mother and I rode together on the stretcher and into the OR for emergency surgery.  They both made it alive and well.  …And on Sunday I admitted a mother who was 29 weeks pregnant and came to us via ambulance because she was hemorrhaging.  Literally bleeding the life out of both her and her baby.  Once we stabilized her, we transported her by helicopter to a more acute hospital.  I’m not sure if they, either one, survived.  So it is continually life and death.  Wholly medical and wholly miracle.  The overwhelmingly beautiful and the devastating.  

*Tonight was my Valentine’s Day.  Josh took my out for sushi and then to see Lisa Hannigan (of Damien Rice fame).  Although I’ve still not recovered from the news that she and Damien Rice have separated ways and will no longer make music together, she has talent all her own and I’m looking forward to hearing more of her solo work.  (I surmise that neither she nor Damien Rice will achieve the greatness separately as they did together. C’est la vie.)  Her new CD comes highly recommended and her live show even more so.  It makes me want to be back in Ireland.  



3 Responses to “”

  1. schmanda said

    ah, welcome back my friend! =)

  2. matt said

    I heard that Lisa Hannigan was gonna do a solo album, but didn’t know her and Damien were parting ways, very sad! I just discovered this artist that sounds just like Damien Rice, Brendan James specially his song “Begin”. Hope you guys are doing well.

  3. Sandi said

    Oh, Amber…. how I miss you!

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