April 5, 2006

stairwell accompaniment: Stevie Wonder

Marriage. For three months now (if you don’t count our marathon two month engagement) we’ve been in the discovery period of this commitment we’ve made. We want a view that is both realistic and supernatural. Before we were married, both Josh and I put substantial effort into understanding what the role of husband and the role of wife would look like–really. We both grappled with our ideals and expectations and tried to meet them in the middle with flexibility and (lots of) grace. I had a select few friends (I cherish) who made themselves vulnerable in order to prepare me for what marriage truly is. And truly is not. Their words have been invaluable tools in the dawn of our marriage. I can only hope to be a conduit of such truth, honesty and encourgement- that I might give the same gained wisdom to fellow seekers in the years to come.
I’m having dinner this week with a couple of friends who were very dear to me in my single years and I hope will continue to be in my married life. Truly sisters in my walk behind God. I haven’t seen one of the two since before my wedding. She prefaced her excitement about our rendezvous: “I can’t wait to hear all about what it’s like to be married!” She almost immediately followed it up with, “Wait, you probably get that all the time, and it’s probably really hard to answer. Of course it’s great, I’m sure.” Both are true, honestly. But I want to be able to answer with something of substance.
Marriage is this very big, consuming relationship that is completely full of joy and peace and love yet simultaneously completely full of trials, confusion and growth. Lately I’ve been learning more about marriage as a model for my relationship with God and I am consistently being challenged beyond my scope. (I wonder what my relationship with the Eternal Husband would be like if I give it the time, attention, affection, words, actions and feeling I give Josh!) Josh talks to me about how we should use scripture as a lense through which we view the world. Similaraly, I think marriage can be the lense through which we sift our relationship with God. It is this amazingly huge mirror that cannot be draped. We can see into it without worshipping it (as a thing). Marrige is a tool for growth and maturity, it teaches us to love and sacrifice. Our earthly goal is to live out the life of Jesus Christ!
But it is more involved that can be explained or comprehended. So I’m painting a picture of the importance I think marriage has in our lives while keeping the eternal perspective. Marriage wanes. It is an earthly tool for relating as God desires us to relate to Him. It is not an eternal institution. I love Josh so much that I simply long to be with him. I desire to share with him. I am excited to learn with him. It is painful to imagine going through life without him beside me. But I desire even more to allow my love for him to point us BOTH toward growth in our personal relationships with our God. That through our love for each other we may learn to desire, love, commitment, cherish God more fervently. When we feel like it. And when we don’t. (marriage teaches you this, folks.)

Today I love:
emailing Schmanda (i miss her so much)
walks around the neighborhood
thai dinner
spring flowers in a vase in the bedroom
jelly beans
phone calls from Lynn
being a massage therapist
pink shoes
my sun roof
not using the heater!!


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