April 30, 2005

stairwell accompaniment:Ben Folds- Songs for Silverman

my wonderful roommate, sleeping bag companion, fellow traveler, similar soul–Schmanda–has saved me the headache of posting pictures. I’ll allow her site to offer the visual story of my past week…

more here

but it never ceases to amaze me how quickly a week of refuge can send me spinning back into a life of self absorption, worry, frustration, time restrictions and doubt. if i had even a small portion of the patience God has with me or if my faith were even the size of a mustard seed…

right now I am taking the warm weather for granted. i lack a thankful spirit. i am worried about never finishing school. i don’t want to forfeit my passions out of a lukewarm spirit. i lack discipline. i am missing friends of the past. sometimes i wonder where all of my similar souls have gone and i feel alone at the most unexpected times. right now my dog’s cold brown nose is something to smile about. she is relentless in her pursuit of attention. i miss childhood. i miss the lack of seriousness it offers. i want to sleep in under the covers of my familiar bed. i washed my sheets today and they are gloriously soft and fresh. if only my bed could be taken outdoors because i miss sleeping outside. i need to read more. my stack of never-ending must-reads overwhelms me and i feel uneducated. too many words. i haven’t journaled in over two weeks and i wouldn’t know where to begin. i feel out of touch with myself. going through the motions? where is it that I can meet me again? in that familiar Institute of Art and its solid marble floors? on that Indian mount that places me just slightly closer to the sky i don’t look to enough? in the coffee shop that feels like home to my sometimes weary soul? running the steps? sleeping in the sun? eating mango sticky rice and laughing? where is it that I can find the me that I have misplaced in this overwhelming life?

i will continue the search.


One Response to “landed”

  1. Anonymous said

    WELCOME BACK AMBER!!!! We Missed You at “SMALL” group.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: