amber

March 24, 2005

stairwell accompaniment: Derek Webb

And I find myself here again. Sitting close with my stickered laptop and asking it the questions my life isn’t offering answers to. (see Nov. 4, 2004) And I’m in the coffee shop I could easily call home. Strange to have such a romantic and tumultuous relationship with a location. The Emporium has housed so many stages of my infant adult life (these stages that are undeniably important). I sit here on the couch and hold my warm ceramic mug of Irish Cream. I remember the lonely nights of studying endless anatomy books as Damian Rice sang in my ears–years ago. Sitting in the window seat I would look out into the street and wonder if anyone felt like I felt at that moment. This was the location I met Lanelle, a fellow ED victim. Wow, that feels like ages past and I can still remember the conversation we had and how awakening it was to know that she (even if no one else) understood. Days past, I met Chad C. here for coffee and we discussed the years that had elapsed since we were childhood playmates how one (he) could lose God (and I interjected that we could not misplace…only walk away). And I was sitting at the table by the door when my mom called me with the news that Doug Moeller had been murdered. These four coffee shop walls could tell so much about my life. And Micah would always be here for me to comment on his hair. Oh! and I think of the summer evenings Stephanie and I spend sitting on the streetlight lit patio as the cars slowly pass, the train rumbles by and we share our deep thoughts on life, love, art, culture and our God. (S- I still haven’t figured out why I think that I deserve anything from Him!) And it was at that nearby table that J and I had our first discussion on the dating conundrum. What should this all look like? I feel at home here, at rest and looking to continue discovering my life. And for now I start with a warm mug and the sunlight coming in the window.

And to you, Joy. I write to you: yes, this is me, too. So I say this… let’s see if I wake up next to you some distant morning and let that be the answer to the questions we so desperately bring! And until then let’s ride this mysterious confusion for the adventure it is meant to be! (are we both not adventurers at heart?!) Let’s explore ruthlessly now that we have The Compass firmly between us! Let’s cling to the knowledge (promise) that God’s exploit is far more breathtaking than anything we can orchestrate. Is He not a light unto our path?—and with the two of us, I can’t imagine settling for a road that is tame! If it doesn’t call for bravery I fear that we would leave disenchanted! You will climb and I will run and in the end let’s fall to the ground in a heap of our laughing exhaustion, breathless and full of euphoric conquest (and we’ll see if the ground catches us in the same spot!). Covered in scraped knees, muddy hands, grass stains and sweat–the markings of a true adventure! (adventure into what we now see is very, very unknown.)

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One Response to “amber”

  1. Schmanda said

    oh amber, my far too little seen roomate…the one i pass too infrequently in the upstairs landing with bedhead (mine) and bad 80’s music sung loudly in the way only you can croon…i know you hate talking about your posts and what’s so great is that you don’t need to. i love their crypticness because more often than not i underdstand their ambiguity. and i love that. here’s to making it a point to share our irish cremes together more often this spring.

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