can I see?

March 23, 2005

stairwell accompaniment:Delirious- King of Fools

Oh if I had even a hint of the wisdom of Solomon! Or to become like the Queen of Sheba, bearing my hard questions with none to difficult for him to answer!
What is it that causes the subtle hint? The slight twinge of a deep chill running through. (You’re just treading water it hisses.) I can be fully in life and still hear it deep within…treading, just keeping pace.
Making me breath again. Only deeper this time. And I remember that He is more violent than the worst hurricane. And what I desire is to sail.
I set my face to the wind and combat the urge to simply look productive. (appearances deceive) Let’s keep up. The ways I’ve confronted the complacency lie and sustained my heart:
I smiled, satisfied within the gracious cradle of close community when the suffused sunset light overthrew my small (cozy?) bedroom– Kristi sat with her legs crossed on my floor, Amanda was perched on my (rarely) made bed and I occupied the birthing ball (it’s a subtle balancing act). We exchanged our recent ventures into the delicate and compelling world of male interactions (ventures in record numbers might I add!). It all sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Simplicity is the new black. And it’s so very uplifting.
Evening moments like these are a rarity in our house. Unheard of in the not-so-distant months when the house was home to three girls working three different shifts. Interactions consisted of conversations in passing concerning the dire need for toilet paper or refrigerator notes on problematic dog behavior. Three girls in a room is more than enough to shut out the pacified life. My heart is stirred.

And running! Spring skies call for crisp morning jogs and orange lit evenings scaling the Art Institute steps (again and again!). It’s difficult for me to feel complacency on any level when sprinting the last 50 yards and noticing the burn in my legs. The gift of movement!

And traveling! The more I go and see, the more I am convinced that if God called me to a vagabond life I would live each nomadic day in unspeakable bliss! To wake up in a new place. To know that there are miles and miles of road ahead. It’s been a year since my solo trip to Colorado Springs and most mornings I wake up with Garden of the Gods in my mind. I have such a desire to be back there, humbled by the massive beauty of my God. It’s been eight months since I returned from Europe. The breath-taking beauty of Ireland that pictures can’t possibly recount keeps me eager to return. Return to feeling the world perspective that is so far outside of myself. Languages that challenge my thought processes and accepting the hospitality of strangers. It’s only been two days since I returned to Ohio from Alabama and I’m already ardently awaiting to the next venture (California camping in 30ish days!). What is it about constant change, new people, places outside of “home” that make life so real to me? Real in a way that keeps me breathless for more!
Relax! Relax in a way that sings to my heart delight yourself in the Lord!

Spring is creeping in…can you feel it?

Earnestly Lord, I seek You! In an impatient and weary land, God, I wait for you! Because Your love is better than the life I live for You–my soul clings to You. Even when I’m not sure if I can be Your daughter, Lord, be my Only One. May Yours be the only throne I ever get down on my knees before! You’ve stolen my heart with one glance of Your eyes! I offer the whole of me.

“The greatness if man’s power is the measure if his surrender.”-Booth

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One Response to “can I see?”

  1. Schmanda said

    Guster. April 15th. Ohio Wesleyan.

    did you know this???

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