February 3, 2005

stairwell accompaniment:Radiohead-OK Computer


My second birth this week- last night. After a physically and emotionally challenging labor, Carli delivered a beautiful baby boy: Hamilton III. I’ve made the executive decision to not share my insights on the births because of my executive thought that most of you would rather not know the details. Suffice it to say that with each birth I become more and more aware of what a detailed, perfect and beautiful God I serve. Nothing short of thrilling.

Small Group (SmG) bible study this week as lead me down an interesting path of thought. In John 10 it says that “the reason” God loves Jesus is that He is willing to lay down his life. Initially I found this statement very conditional. But it wasn’t until I remembered in 1 John 3 that it it only through Jesus’ sacrifice- the sacrific of Jesus- that we know the deifnition of love. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” I’ll admit that I’ve alway had a love/hate relationship with the concept of love. Progressing into the knowledge that love is an action- a choice we all must make rather than a feeling or a kind word, I still have struggled wrap my thoughts around what true love is. I want to brush away the emotions, the red hearts, the hallmark cards, the romantic songs, feel-good movies and those three words “we all long to hear”. Although a fan of Garden State, I absolutely hate the bathtub scene where Largeman (Braff) becomes emotional reminiscing about his deceased mother. He verbally recounts a memory in which his mother comforts him as a child by using the sleeve of her shirt to dry his tears and clean his nose. With a dramatic tear in his eye he says “That’s love [dramatic pause], that’s love!” What?!? Given: this is a secular film written by a non-believer. Even so, What?!? That’s love? If that is love, I’m not sure that this tumultuous life is worth living!

People just want to be able to define love, attach an action to it, be able to associate a feeling with the word “love”. It isn’t so.

And I’ll be brutally honest: ask anyone in my life who can or has said “I love you” to me- my family, close friends, past boyfriends- I have an incredibly difficult time verbalizing “I love you”. And maybe this is it. Maybe it is because I don’t want to abuse the term like I believe the world has. God says that I know love by the example Christ has set before me. Love is to be able to give your life for someone. (a far cry from lending them your sleeve) My heart turns as I see the challenge in this. And I know that love is not attainable apart from dependence on God. 1 John 4 ” God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” I cannot be complete in love without God living in me. When perfect love comes, the imperfect disappears, right? God: Set my sights on Your perfect love and take away, banish my misconceptions!

Psalm 90:14

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.


2 Responses to “”

  1. AmyLea said

    Man I wish I was at small group on Monday…:-(

  2. Schmanda said

    yeah, that “because” in the Word really got the wheels turning, but i am so glad and thankful for my bros and sisters and their wisdom and how God worked it so that we came around to understanding that “because”.

    we missed you amy. you missed out on strange tea and a MASS SmG happy birthday.

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