January 14, 2005

stairwell accompaniment: Andy Davis- I never see you

Uncertainty. It’s amazing to me how much I can handle as long as I know Who is certain. This evening I hosted “free massage night” at my house. I had an easy week at work and wanted to spead the therapist love to those around me who sometimes rarely receive it. Sophany asked me if I wasn’t telling many people that I was in the process of applying to midwifery school overseas. I was slightly taken. I hadn’t considered it. Right now it is one of the most exciting opportunities in my life (ranking with the two births I will doula this month!) and definitely constantly on my mind. Am I not appearing excited about it? Bryan and I once talked about how we both have the tendancy to suspend revealing details of our lives until someone inquires. <–this is definitely me. I think that more than anything I don’t want to feel that crater in my heart if, in fact, I am not to go to midwifery school at Newlife. Even if I know that means that God has different (and assuredly equally captivating)plans for my future. Uncertainty.

Last night we ate Indian food. Glorious and delectable self-indulgence of mine. An unusally mild (warm?) evening in January and my arms were left unjacketed. Tepid with a breeze that would make anyone feel dramatic as if we were in a much more exotic location. I sang Damian Rice loudly and highted my favorite lyrics. And I drove us up. Up to the spot in my city that makes me feel alive on a night like last night. We climbed the steps. We walked up the hill. And I stopped. I just stopped. And the city could not have been any clearer. Clear and speckled with the distant lights that remind me: life is happening all around me. With the balmy wind on our faces.

And then we sailed on the swingset. And jumped.

Kierstyn 5 hours old

Psalm 40:5 Many, O LORD my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare.


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