this complex

January 2, 2005

stairwell accompaniment: Damien Rice-O

And just like that the white is gone. The holidays always seem to be like this: They arrive for nearly a month…two months, a year, and pass in a few nostalgic hours. But nostalgic, redolent they always prove to be.

And for the annual passing of a year I celebrated without a forceless countdown that leaves us all feeling slightly foolish. With a pat on the back and a whisper in my ear Sophany let me know that I had, in fact, entered 2005 and I was glad. Serene with the hope of another year to live as alive as I felt in 2004. Amanda and I both smiled today: “Just by breathing we are a miracle.” Truth.

My mission for 1 January 2004 was to complete my application to midwifery school. Fill in all the blanks that comprise me: date of birth, blood type, occupational history, passport number, allgergies, addresses, phone numnbers, worst fears. And the essays that half-heartedly detail why I am where I am now. Half-hearted only because I know short essays never do justice. But I began my year with accomplishment: Application Completed. Step number one.

And 2005 was kicked off with a traditional-Christa-no-shower-Saturday. Is there a better way?

Because when I think of him, I think of standing in the Killarney airport smiling- thinking of him in that monumental moment. The sun will heat the grounds under our feet. But this year I realize that I’ve been waiting since birth for the love that would look and sound like a movie. Not always so. Not always so. I want life in every word to the extent that it’s absurd.

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One Response to “this complex”

  1. Scott said

    Just wanted to say hello. I love your posts.

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