December 9, 2004

stairwell accompaniment:Counting Crows

Random musings on December 9th:

-Today I had my first deaf client. Even as a massage therapist I am continually amazing how easily we can communicate through touch. Interesting that one of the first things I thought of when I tried to imagine living life in silence is exactly how there would be such a void in me without music. It has always played such in integral part in my life whether it was the years and years of piano lessons I routinely showed up unprepared for or every song that I have an emotional attachment to (countless)- -Music is truly a gift.

-I was driving in the car thinking of all of those tiny moments in life that could so easily slip by unnoticed in the moments that make up days, years, decades. But these are the moments that are engraved in our memories and often replay until they somehow shape who we have become. A few from my life:

It’s no secret that my sister is an amazing singer. I think that we first discovered it when she was in middle school and I was still a grade schooler. My entire family, being the supportive bunch they are known to be, found her talent impressive and in my memory Amy’s gift overshadowed everything in my life for a short time. But it was in those overshadowed days that I can distinctly remember my grandma asking, “What about Amber, I bet she can sing good, too.” And although I have since proved her wrong (in an obvious way), I will never forget her thoughts of me in a time that I felt hidden.

Another: my growing-up best friend, Amanda, and I shared our first apartment. 18 years old and living “downtown”. We were easy targets for learning lessons the hard way. Our (very suburban) parents had us both slightly on guard during our first weeks in that dilapidated urban apartment (although we’d rather move back home that admit we were at all intimidated). Our second night in the apartment we were still unpacking boxes and listening to Lauryn Hill, dancing around in our new-found freedom like only the whitest of suburban white girls can dance. Until the loud pounding on the door stopped us both in our tracks. We turned down the music and listened for a follow-up knock. And when it came I tentatively ventured over to the peep hole in the door and caught the convex view of a rough-looking middle aged man. I shot Amanda a scared look and she crept into the kitchen to grabbed a steak knife. At the third pounding I opened the door to the three-inch gap the chain allowed. The man politely introduced himself as our neighbor and presented a plate of cookies. I quickly undid the chain, accepted his cookies and introduced myself. I turned to introduce Amanda and was found as speechless and I’m sure our new neighbor was – she held out a eager right hand to shake and the left still clutching her steak knife. Moments that go unforgotten.

-I realized that every other woman in my family was married by the time she was my age and how thankful I am that I am making my own way.

-I was remembering how much I loved playing with baby dolls as a young girl. Maybe it was because my mom had a baby during my impressionable make-believe years of playing. I loved playing mom. It makes me wonder how much of our life-long passions, purposes can be evident at even an early age. Was God speaking to me, shaping me even then? Shaping this jar of clay?

Things I love today:

-My car with heated seats.

-The To-Do list I constantly have running.

-“I remember December”


-My journal that is most definitely all mine.

-Calling Chad and him complying with my request for a mid-day Arnold S. impression for no reason in particular.

-“HELLLO” Mrs. Doubtfire style.

-Going to bed at a decent time.

-My ipod and the endless supply of mood-setting music at my disposal.

-Harry Potter books on tape.

-Email from Bryan-plans in production.

-The ridiculous nature of Secret Santa exchanges and how I always get involved against my will.

-When I am sick I still want mom.

-Knowing that these are just things- -keeping an eternal perspective.


2 Responses to “halawishkipakya”

  1. AmyLea said

    Amber one of the things that I appreciate about you is your new outlook on things…. you make me look at things in a different light and I just love you for that…. Have a great weekend, girl!

  2. Anonymous said

    I come by here every two or three months. Usually it’s when I’ve had a really rotten day. I make some coffee and put on some Vivaldi and I browse your entries. You have a gifted way of expressing the wonders of life. I appreciate that so much and just wanted to thank you for lifting my spirits every time I read your blog.



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