and blabbing

October 19, 2004

stairwell accompaniment:The Cure- the best of

we want these answers. these situations.

we try so hard. we wait.

it is a mixture between dreaming big and far and then turning towards what is just right here, right now.

look at all we have saved so far as proof we are loved. somehow seen.

everything i need, everything i craved. everything isn’t the answer.

i feel i take on life like a project most of the time. i work hard to “finish myself up” so others get me “all complete and clean”.

but i forget to leave room for myself to feel tangled and unmade.

but you see.

i am feeling these days like those tangled parts. parts that are the most interesting. those are the bits i want to know about in others.

like today. driving in the pouring rain and singing loudly-friday i’m in love.

hair pinned back and blabbing on the phone. crepes and new journals and laughing so loud with AZ that my stomach still feels it. on a little afternoon in my life.

i am not finished. not a finished product.

maybe it comes full circle.

i look at what i feared in me. what i can push so far away from. today i am willing to see this happening. hold these contradictions.


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