packed tightly

October 15, 2004

stairwell accompaniment:Rilo Kiley

I carry with me stories of forgiveness and how much I’ve tried not to worry. I carry my worry. I carry my concern. I carry a green chipped painted canoe and a paddle. I carry dad’s bike rides down the steep levy and learning the necessity of laughter. I carry my mother’s curlingiron burns on my forehead. I carry with me the front steps of every home I’ve ever lived in-thinking for a moment this is it, this can be my home from here on out.

I carry with me my hiding. I carry games- sardines, heads up 7up, capture the flag. I carry with me the cheating and sneaking and secrets. I carry with me chapstick and powder and ink roller pens and a leaky water bottle. I carry with me my phone and all the phone numbers of those I call and those who don’t call back.

I carry hair pins for the transition hair I have going on.

Now I carry with me every new fresh start. And every final drive away. I don’t carry the worry of your departure. I don’t carry your number anymore or your schedule in my mind. I carry the desire to go unnoticed and at the same time not be forgotten.

I carry the laughter. I carry Aslan and Sam I Am and Punky Brewster. I carry with me those wildcats who did it their own way. I carry the dream of you before I knew you and into the days to come.

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One Response to “packed tightly”

  1. E. Jordan said

    This is crazy, and you and i certainly don’t know one another… but I totally know where you reference in your blogs. That beautiful beautiful journal/book ” The True and the Questions” by Sabrina Ward Harrison?

    i love it. 🙂

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