come down now

September 1, 2004

stairwell accompaniment:Iron and Wine-Great Heights

Friday night a few friends and I graced The Jazz Room with our presence. Late into the night we enjoyed the smoky sounds of muffled drums, airy guitar and good conversations. This made for a difficult early-to-rise work schedule in the Saturday morn. I reluctantly rolled out of bed, dawned some chic spa clothes and arrived before 8am to fill a mug full of vanilla flavored coffee. I greeted my first client with a warm smile that disguised the what kind of person are you scowl of my mood. Who gets a massage at 8am on a Saturday? Any beneficial side effects of a relaxing massage are completely nullified if received before the clock strikes 10am. I press on.

But my day was made unusually quirkyfun by a good friend I have at work. For the sake of wanting to use a name-needing-to-be-resurrected, we’ll call my friend Norman. Norman ushers in good conversation, hearty laughs and a slightly better outlook on a Saturday of working. But to give a little background, Norman is openly homosexual and has a child who he raises with his partner and the child’s mother. And as much as I love Norman and the brightness he brings to my days, I left work on Saturday troubled when I asked myself what does it really look like to continue to truly love the sinner but effectively hate the sin and not become calloused to it? I’m still turning it over in my mind and heart.

Sunday I went to the Neon to see what I can safely say is the best movie I’ve seen in months: Garden State. If you haven’t seen it, go to the Neon now and if you have no one to see it with, call me. It definitely hits the heart of the questions most 20-somethings are facing. It calls us to explore what it means to live and how living is accepting pain as well as pleasure. Life isn’t when everything can be considered ok and life isn’t when you’re not rushing through the uncomfortable, painful, lonely, confusing times…it’s in every emotion and situation-good and bad. Go see the movie, you’ll understand. And I can’t say enough about the Sountrack…perfection. I picked it up yesterday and can’t stop listening. It most definitely blow’s my 4th-song-on-th-CD theory I have that on nearly every CD the 4th song is the best. Every song on this CD is great. Those that know me well realize what a music fanatic I am and how I’m convinced my life deserves a continual soundtrack of good music. But in a somewhat stale phase in my musical interests, this CD has brought about a musical rebirth: The Shins, Rilo Kiley, Nick Drake, Remy Zero, Colin Hay, The Shins, Iron and Wine, did I say The Shins?…Simon and Garfunkel:)

So this morning I wake up to the sunshine and my windows are open. What a beautiful day. But my mind is still so full of all the questions I’ve been faced with the past few days: how do I love? what does truly trusting look like? do I die daily to find life? have I experienced pain and not pushed it away or buried it? where is home? do I take life too seriously? am I listening for God’s voice? My window view told me that outside was the better place to sort through these thoughts. I grabbed a scarf to disguise my horribly hilarious bed-head and attached my dog to her leash. We walked over to the pseudo-park three blocks up. It’s the mini-grassy oasis in our tightly packed neighborhood. Currently it contains my favorite spot in Dayton. A grassy spot on a hill surrounded by towering storybook trees. This very spot has seen the backside of a large blanket and Levi and I reclining many times. I’m half-convinced that I love this spot so much because I know it will be absolute perfection once these trees begin their autumn tranformation and share their colorful leaves with the grass. But today our surroundings are still very much green…very much alive.

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